Overwhelm is like Stress with a Twist

Lately I have been surrounded by overwhelm. In my personal life, with my clients and with people around me. It has got the cogs turning because it is not like your common anxiety or stress where we seem to fixate on certain things or events, stressful issues and such the like. Overwhelm is something quite chaotic and disorganised and seems to prevent any focus or control, despite being triggered by stressful events and issues in our lives.

The problem with being overwhelmed is that it seems to create an extreme loss of control with many people, thus perpetuating the feelings of hopelessness and frustration. Even the idea of asking for help may seem too much to bare as many people have no idea how to articulate their problems, focus on the main concerns or make sense of reactions. Have you ever felt as though you are just going to explode, want to scream, burst into tears, bang your head a few times? This is often the nasty side effect of being overwhelmed.

People feel overwhelmed in many different and diverse situations and for many different reasons. It can come about from the stress of your present life: too many tasks at work, bills to pay, kids to take care of, being time poor and unable to fit everything you would like to do into you day/week/month/year. Perhaps thinking of the future brings overwhelm: you see your dreams slipping away, the reality of your life does not match your desired hopes and goals, people you love may leave you, kids may grow up, jobs may end etc etc. There is also the past to worry about: unresolved issues rearing their heads in your present life, regrets, past hurt, failed relationships, mistakes or poor choices, anger you are unable to let go. Perhaps it is a bit of all of these things.

We have a saying in the West, 'if it doesn't rain it pours' and it is a well versed saying in many households when your fridge decides to break when you have just taken a loan out for a car. You have been struggling with relationship issues and get fired from your job. I know for myself, everything seems to run out at the same time, when I am at my most broke! The world is a stressful place and you do not need an anxiety disorder to feel the crippling effects of modern day life as people with past histories and future plans.

Unfortunately, when we get into a state of being extremely overwhelmed, this seems to be when we are least effective in problem solving. We struggle to create distance from our troubles and feelings and new stress keeps flooding in. We may even be taking on board the stress of the people around us, worrying about a world of things that are out of our control, pressured and strained from the things we need to get done and we become out of touch with our own needs. This is when people start to shut down and ignore their bodies, their impulses, their rationality and the offers for any form of help. It becomes a state of survival in my experience and can start to effect our ability to take care of ourselves and sometimes others. We often pick up illnesses during this time and I always say 'it is your body telling you to slow down'.

There may not be a way to ease the load you are bogged down with. This I am well aware of. So what do you do?

Think of an emergency room on a Saturday night. So many people are coming in with immediate concerns, injury's, instability and crisis. How do you help everyone with a limited amount of staff and resources? They call it 'Triage'. People are systematically put in a hierarchy of severity. It is understood that every person is important and every case is an emergency but within this realm there are cases that require a faster response than others. These systems sound cold, you may say. Wouldn't it be great if everyone could be helped upon arrival, given immediate care and priority. The same could be said about your own overwhelm, wouldn't it be ideal if you could address every one of your issues immediately and tackle each task simultaneously. For that you would need something short of super human powers - it is not possible to be superman!

We need to take a leaf out of the triage book and step aside from the chaos and our feelings for a minute. Create distance and clear our heads. In whatever way suits you, it is good to put things down objectively and out of your head and onto paper/chalk board/verbally/in a drawing or diagram. I like mind maps personally but that is simply my preference. I also use highlighters because my brain likes colour and finds it easier to separate and organise with different colours. Get all your worries, tasks and concerns and even your feelings if you would like, onto something you can visualise clearly. At this point the objective is not to do anything with them. Just get them out there and in a different format from thought (cognition). Our brains are amazing and we have so much coming in and being processed, it is not hard to see that we get caught up from time to time. Give your brain a break and use your other senses.

You may be surprised to see that problems that seem enormous in your head can fit neatly onto a corner of paper, in point form even. This in itself may be helpful because it allows you to 'forget' your troubles or 'to do list' a bit as it is down on paper (or somewhere) and you can go back to it later. This is a great thing to do on a Friday before you leave work, if you have things to catch up on the next week. Put them in a 'to do List' so that you may allow yourself to 'forget them' over the weekend. As you keep thinking of them, add them to the list or keep another list on you and leave the other one at work. It is a great feeling when you can start crossing things off the list too, but that is up to you :)

Once all your overwhelm is put down on paper etc, start the process of 'triage' and identify your most pressing issues and concerns. Be flexible, circumstances are always changing. If there are things you are worried about but have no control over, such as you mum having an operation the following week or you sent in an application for something and are awaiting results, acknowledge that these concerns are creating stress but there is nothing you can do about them right now. Work out what needs to be tackled first, what cannot be tackled by you, what are your responsibilities and most importantly, what are not. We are social creatures and this has many pro's but the downside is we care deeply about our loved ones or about other people as humans. If you work in my industry and listen to the problems of other people whilst developing relationships with people (even therapeutic ones), you are going to empathise with them and care about their lives. It is a very hard thing to step back and let people make mistakes, return to old habits that are more than likely going to have the same outcome, take risks that could be detrimental etc. It is hard not to feel sadness and pain for people, to feel angry on their behalf or to feel a sense of wanting to 'fix' things.

The bottom line is that we can only hold people's hands through their hardship. We are not nor should be responsible for other people's lives. We have responsibilities to them (particularly children). We can give people knowledge, tools, guidance, support and love, but we cannot control their lives or their perspectives. Everyone is different and that is a good thing. It is time to let go, cut yourself some slack and take the control back in your own lives. Once you have a clear idea of your
overwhelm, then you may start to have more of an idea of what you need and what change needs to occur. Don't beat yourself up about things that are out of your control or capability, you have a right to have limits, to feel what you feel and to say no to things that are too much for you. You also have skills and knowledge, you have survived this world your whole life, you are a fighter! It is normal to struggle from time to time, take action and create some distance so that there is space for other things that can bring you joy.

You can do it
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Paula