Stress! How do you get a handle on it?

Stress is such a society friendly word isn't it? I mean, there is no shame in saying it, whatever age you are and whatever sex you are, we all seem to get 'stressed'. So why is it so very hard to just 'stress-less?'

Let me start by chatting a bit about stress a bit. We tend to use it when we are feeling things such as 'overwhelmed, frustrated, panicked, pressured, annoyed, and confused'. We may also start using it when we start getting illnesses or pain that cannot be explained away by tests and doctors, such as upset tummies, back ache, headaches, skin irritations and rashes, insomnia or sleep disturbances and changes in diet or appetite.

Stress is used to tell someone to calm down and don't worry "Don't stress, we can make another plan" or "No worries, thanks anyway". It is used to highlight a point "I would like to stress the importance of xyz". It is used in such a variety of ways and by such a wide amount of people that it is no wonder we often feel bogged down by stress and silently suffer symptoms that may be worse than the society friendly label suggests. So am I asking you to become stressed about your stress, absolutely not. I want to open the doors to a deeper understanding of how you cope with stress, how you experience it and I will offer a few of my own stress busting strategies at the end.

Lets take a closer look at you and your life.
How do you cope with the challenges life seems to throw your way?
How many of you have found that your stress comes and goes, some days you feel better equipped to deal with stress than others?
How many of you have started to feel stressed for 'no reason'?
How many of you tend to be alerted to your stress when you put your neck out or you start to get nausea and stomach troubles?
How many times do we start blaming things or people around us because we 'just don't need this right now!'?

We all experience our stress in different ways, unique to our own way of life and coping style. Stress can often be misleading and perhaps what you have been experiencing may very well be anxiety. But without throwing labels around and self diagnosing yourself (not a good idea), ask yourself what area's are the most challenging for you. Do you have trouble with thoughts that seem to endlessly go around and around in your head? Do you find you are always worrying about something? Have you been really hard on yourself lately? Check in with your body, does anything stand out, any pain, discomfort, tightness, etc? How have you been sleeping lately? When was the last time you did something enjoyable? How have you made it through when you have been struggling? If you are aware of your stress, lets break that down, what is it that makes you aware of your own stress? What was it that alerted you?
We tend to say that we are stressed without really thinking about it. Perhaps being overworked, lacking patience and having deadlines is simply a neon light of stress warnings for you, but it is more than that. Think about it.....
For me, I tend to have a very short fuse and get annoyed very easily. I seem to worry about so many things that are completely out of my control. I am often very emotional and can cry at the drop of a hat (sad adverts, a moving song, a TV show etc). I get horrible back pain and neck pain and my hands flair up with eczema. I can usually fall asleep but find I wake up a lot during the night and toss and turn in the early hours of the morning. I get really fatigued and run down and when it gets bad, I get stomach troubles. As life needs to go on, I often forget to notice all these symptoms until I feel completely overwhelmed by them and by this stage I feel quite helpless and get really annoyed and angry with the whole situation. Any of this sound familiar? I urge you to think about your own paragraph here :)

Once you start having more of a handle on your own symptoms of stress, of your problem areas and of your coping style (because yes, you have actually been coping, even if it doesn't feel like it), you are able to realise that you have a particular way of dealing with stress and it is up to you whether it is working for you or not, or if some of it is working but there are areas you would like to change or improve. The body is a very clever creation and believe it or not, is acting in a protective way towards you. When we do not listen to our own inner needs, when we don't slow down and take care of our selves, our bodies seem to start forcing us to do that. We get ill, feel pain, get fatigued, throw up etc, and the common element here is that with all these symptoms, you are forced to pay attention. In many cases you are forced to physically slow down and rest. How many of us, however, pop some pills and push on anyway (I myself am guilty of this)?

Lets get pro-active instead of becoming inactive!

Stress and anxiety is not unlike fear in many ways. Both fear and stress accelerate your heart rate in a response to adrenalin or the fight or flight response many of you will have heard of. As your heart rate increases, your body goes into survival mode and starts to react in ways that inherently are built to protect you. The big trick here sounds so very simplistic but it is to slow that heart rate right down and relax the nervous system.
HOW you may ask? When you are in the midst of your stress, at work, looking after the kids, running errands, cleaning the house, being a friend, cooking dinner, planning for the future, struggling financially, job hunting....you name it, we have a lot to be stressful about in this fast paced, rather difficult world we live in. It is not always realistic to go on a spa retreat, take a tropical holiday or get a full body massage!
My strategy is to work with your breath. When you hear the old tip of taking ten deep breathes, it is not all a bunch of rubbish. There is huge merit in this technique. There are many different ways to work with your breath and it is about finding the method that works for you. The basic principle is mindfulness. Getting your head out of your worrying, rumination of thoughts and fears and into the present. Finding that relationship with your body and taking steps to slow down that heart rate and calm that nervous system.

This can be as simple as doing a small meditation where you sit or lie comfortably, close your eyes if you want to and take some deep, long breathes where you imagine the air coming into your body and as you release your breath, you imagine a releasing of stress and emotion. I like to imagine sending breath to different areas of my body, such as my back or neck when it is sore, or my tummy when it is upset. Yoga is a great way of working with your breath as well as incorporating stretches that open up your chest, groin, back etc and strengthen your core.

Listen to Bob Marley! perhaps my favourite strategy to suggest because it is just so do-able! The beat of this reggae is similar to the beat of a slow, calm heart. Pop some Bob on in the car or on your phone to have easy access and focus on the music for a while. Let the music get that heart beat of yours to slow down :)

Exercise. This releases endorphins, gets you in the moment, works with your breath and gets that blood flowing. Hard to worry about things when you are playing sport, working up a sweat or trying to breathe! There is more and more research being done on the benefits of exercise, particularly with depression and anxiety! It's not all about looking good at the beach!

Do something that makes you happy, at the very least once a week!

Start a journal or start sketching/drawing/painting. Try this as free association, working with whatever comes to mind in the moment. You may surprise yourself with what crops up and it is a great way to learn about your inner self as well as to release some pent up stress! You don't need to be an artist or an author, this is just for you!

Talk about it! Lets support each other and ask for support ourselves. So many people battle with stress and anxiety, it is not something that needs to be kept in the dark. Lets share our methods, tools, experiences and help each other to feel less overwhelmed and more hopeful!

Eat for health! Give your body lots of fuel to cope with the day! Make super foods your friend and start getting creative with food! My favourite new additions at the moment are ginger and ground up linseed! Taking care of the basics, the physiological needs, is vital for good mental health!

And lastly, if you find you are not coping, nothing is working and you need some help, be proactive in this area too. There are many great therapies and treatments out there to help you. It is always helpful to ask yourself what type of help you are needing when choosing a form of therapy. I am happy to give some examples and options if anyone would like to send me a message or comment (here or on my Facebook page www.facebook.com/counsellingcounsel).

Hope this helps
Paula